Hello! You can call me R. I always imagined how my life would turn out. Never in a million years did I think this is where I would be. I mean, did everything in your life turn out exactly as you planned?…
I’m sure one day we’ll all look back with 20/20 vision and be SOOOOOO grateful, that it happened the way it did, but for now, how about we keep it real.
My husband and I met in college and were friends for a long time. One day we realized we both wanted to be more than friends. But more on that later. Long story short, we got married, moved to a quaint town, and lived happily ever after. HAHA! Riiiiiggggghhhhhhttttttttttt?!
No, I promise we’re happy. I love that guy! He’s my best friend and the ONLY person I want by my side as we try to navigate life! My naive self always thought life would be so easy. Finish school, get married, have babies, raise those babies, love those sweet babies, (Babies, Babies, Babies! It is all I can think about!) and work really hard on helping to lead a life that contributes positively to society.
But I wasn’t prepared to face the reality of the roadblocks coming our way. (insert sigh here.) Shortly after getting married, we decided to start a family. I got off birth control and had horrific side effects (i.e., gaining 60 lbs within a matter of months, my facial hair grew OUT OF CONTROL, and my acne flared up like I was a teenager or something.) If we didn’t want children so badly, I would have hopped right back on that birth control bandwagon! Hadn’t I done my time? I mean, the high school years were bad enough, but now that I am a full grown adult – ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?
January 2015 – After 4 months of trying (and dealing with TERRIBLE symptoms!) with no luck, I went to my PCP – Primary Care Physician – and begged for help! After running some tests over a couple of months they diagnosed me with PCOS – Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. They quickly provided me with a treatment plan. I was put on 1000mg of Metformin daily. (Side Note: Metformin is the WORST medication I’ve ever been on!!! If you are/ever have been on it, I sympathize with you!!) and was told to start using OPKs – Ovulation Predictor Kits – to determine when I was ovulating. My PCP then directed me to try to lose weight and continue trying to conceive for six months. If we were still not pregnant at that point, we were directed to come back to him.
November 2015 – I went back to my PCP after the directed 6 months. I had lost some weight, however it wasn’t enough. He sat down with M and I, giving us the realistic truths I didn’t want to hear. “Children born to obese parents are XX times more likely to be obese, there is XX percentage of miscarriage in obese parents, you are XX times more likely to die in childbirth when obese.” I felt guilty. I didn’t want to bring children into this world if there was such a high chance of me dying in childbirth or them starting life at a disadvantage. I left feeling INCREDIBLY guilty and like crap about myself. However, he did let me choose if I wanted to proceed with treatment, or if I would like to continue attempting to make physical changes first. My PCP, who obviously touched a nerve, had encouraged me to make the decision to continue with timed intercourse, Metformin, and attempted weight loss. And so I did.
If anyone has ever gone through infertility, they know that it is a constant emotional roller coaster. One minute you’re hopeful, the next you’re at the bottom of the pit, and so the cycle continues day after day, week after week, month after month. We agreed to work on it again for another six months.
April 2016 – I lost a total of 10 lbs. Whoop dee doo! Obviously not enough to have any influence on my infertility. I had one, and only one positive OPK, and that was my second month off birth control. I FINALLY went in to see the doctor again. He agreed I would probably need a little bit more help. He prescribed Clomid, which made us a little nervous and excited. Both M and I have multiples in our immediate family. So we were hopeful that we would maybe even have twins!!! I remember vividly driving to M’s brother’s wedding during the middle of that cycle. We were stopped at this gas station in the middle of nowhere. It was time to take my OPK. The gas station was all out of toilet paper seat covers, so I had to squat over the toilet to take my OPK. I remember trying to not feel too hopeful because, with the exception of one OPK, all of the OPKs I had taken were negative. I paced back and forth in front of the sinks, praying that this month might be different!! I put a timer on my phone so I wouldn’t be tempted to look before. It went off and…
In the middle of nowhere WY, in a nasty unsanitary bathroom, my day was made!! I ran out of the room to tell M our good news. It would be a good night. (Insert winking face here.) We did five cycles of Clomid. Two of the five times, we got positive OPK tests. I felt disheartened. Clomid was supposed to fix all of our problems, right? After the fourth cycle, we decided we would make an appointment with an RE – Reproductive Endocrinologist – and continue with Clomid until our appointment.
October 2016 – We met with our RE for the first time on 28th. A day I’ll never forget. He quickly confirmed the diagnosis of PCOS. He gave me hope. He reiterated that it would be a hard journey, but that there was definitely hope and, no matter how sad I feel, to hang onto the hope that I still have! He ran some more tests and in December 2016 I started my first round of treatment with Him. The plan: oral medication (Letrozole), ultrasounds (to check follicle presence/growth and to determine timing), ovulation trigger shot (Ovidrel) and an IUI – Intrauterine Insemination.
December 2016 – Letrozole 2.5mg and even with SO many ultrasounds, they missed my ovulation. (Hurray, I ovulated on my own! Bummer, we didn’t get to do an IUI.)
January 2017 – Letrozole 2.5mg, 1 Follicle, Ovidrel injection, and our first IUI!
February 2017 – 1 cyst from previous cycle. Shrinking in size and low estradiol levels. Cycle is a GO! Letrozole 2.5mg, 1 Follicle, Ovidrel injection, and our second IUI.
March 2017 – 1 GINORMOUS cyst from previous cycle. (Measured at 65mm – OMG WHAAAATTT?!!!!) Had to take cycle off for fear of ovarian rupture. I was so sad, we went on a vacation to take our minds off of it. (Seriously so good for my mental health!!!)
April 2017 – 2 small cysts – one on each ovary. Shrinking in size and low estradiol levels. This cycle is a go!!
I have yet to see what will come of this cycle, but I’m SOOOO hopeful!
And our journey continues…
#RealLife 